There is a lot of freedom in forgiveness. Most often when people hurt us, their action was not against us. They did something that we decided was a “wrong”. More often they were and are dealing with their own issues. People all have their “stuff” going on in their own lives. Actions that hurt us in their head is what they needed to do.
As I have begun the path to study eastern philosophy (mostly Taoism) I have learned to forgive. That does not mean I forget. But the forgiveness is for me. People who take actions or say words to add to the drama have found a way to leave my orbit since I no longer am willing to play those games.
I want apologies, but many people cannot ever admit their faults. That is not about me. I cannot force them to say “I’m sorry”. But to move ahead I do not need the other person to grow and change. The answer is in my own journey. I want to heal, so I surrender to a world where I can really honestly forgive the person who have done things that made he feel pain.
But it does not come easy to live in the state of true forgiveness. My efforts have seen me think I have forgiven to only have my thoughts come back where I see myself holding a grudge. I think about how I want them to tell me their motivation and purpose in how they harmed my soul. But then I remember, nobody can hurt my soul. The can hurt my ego and personality, but not my soul.
My ego was bruised by others and I held the pain inside for a long time. I hid my mental anguish from everyone around me, but over years and years of playing out the narrative in my mind. I felt I deserved an apology. And I waited. But it never came.
Then I realized forgiveness is not for the other person. It is not about me giving them a pass on their actions. No, it is about me letting go and doing this for the health of my own soul. As part of my proclamation of “making age 50 to 75 the best years of my life”, there is no room for other people to have the power over my mental health and state of mind.
In my coaching people who are feeling stuck as they cross that mark of age 50 – it seems there is always a need they have to forgive someone for actions of a long time ago. To start over at 50, someone has to really clean the slate. They have to embrace real forgiveness. I am not a trained counselor, but this is the magic of helping others. When they see that forgiveness if for yourself, and not the other person, it is a magical switch in the brain. It changes all.
When you look for how to reinvent yourself, you must add forgiveness into the mix. Holding a grudge, thinking negative thought, or feeling you are owed an apology – you will never get out of the box you are currently stuck in. Just google “Forgiveness” and you will see a lot of articles. There is science behind forgiveness, and those who practice forgiveness live longer than those who do not. This makes sense when you think about it. Without forgiveness our insides fester with stress, pain, longing, etc… Forgiveness is for yourself, and when you make it a way of life, you have a better live.
Lack of forgiveness makes conflict continue. Big wounds do not heal. Small ones grow as we think about the issues. Over and over we dwell on the bad parts of the interaction with others.
Call Thom Singer And Explore Your New Self
If you are seeking ways to begin again and get a fresh start, maybe a coach is the answer. I work with those who desire how to reinvent. My best advice is to take action right now. Email or call me to set up a free 15 minute conversation about the process. I am happy to share more details of my own journey. If there is a good synergy maybe we can work together on discovering your path (which also helps me navigate my own way)….. or we just talk for a while and we are still both better off for the human connection.