Adam Grant has a new book coming out in October called Vibe: The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World.
I’ve had my eye on it since the announcement. Not because I needed convincing. Because when someone with Grant’s reach puts research behind a topic you’ve spent two decades working on, it changes the conversation. In conference rooms, on stages, and in the budget lines of companies deciding what kind of speaker they need next year.
The core premise: a special connection between people that creates a spark is one of the most underrated engines of happiness and success. And building meaningful ties is one of the most pressing problems of our time.
That’s not a soft claim. That’s a business argument. And it’s the same argument I’ve been making from stages since before “loneliness” was a headline.
Here’s where Grant’s research lines up with what I’ve seen. And where the practitioner view adds something the data can’t fully capture.
Similarity is not required for connection.
Grant’s research shows you don’t need common ground to build genuine bonds. I’ve watched this play out in ways that still surprise me. Two people at opposite ends of an industry, different generations, different roles, zero obvious overlap, and they leave a conference with a relationship that matters. Not because they were alike. Because one of them decided to pay attention to the other person instead of their phone.
The ingredient isn’t similarity. It’s intention.
Chemistry isn’t always instant.
This is the myth that does the most damage at conferences. People show up, have a few surface conversations, don’t feel an immediate spark, and decide the event wasn’t worth it. They go back to their room.
What Grant’s data shows, and what I’ve seen in rooms, is that the best connections are often slow burns. They start with one decent conversation. They deepen at the next event, or over a follow-up call that didn’t have an agenda. The spark wasn’t missing. They just left before it had a chance to catch.
Closeness doesn’t always take time.
This one is counterintuitive until you’ve watched it happen. I’ve seen two people share something genuinely meaningful in a single conversation. Not small talk, not surface-level pleasantries, but something real. It doesn’t require years. It requires one person willing to go a level deeper than expected.
That’s a skill. It can be practiced. And it can be designed for in the structure of an event.
Here’s where the research stops and the stage begins.
Grant can tell you that vibe is real, that connection follows patterns, that chemistry has ingredients. That’s enormously valuable. But reading the book does not change behavior in a room.
What changes behavior in a room is a different thing entirely.
I’ve spent 20 years watching what happens when people are given permission and structure to connect, and what happens when they aren’t. The “Efficient Stranger” dynamic I’ve been writing about isn’t just a cultural observation. It’s what I see in the first 20 minutes of almost every event. People standing near each other, physically present, genuinely isolated. Phones out. Eyes down. Waiting for someone else to go first.
The research confirms the problem is real and the potential is enormous. The practitioner’s job is to close the gap between knowing and doing.
When Vibe drops in October, it will shift what leaders and meeting planners think they need. They’ll read the research and want someone who can make it real in the room, not just someone who can explain why it matters. That’s a different ask. Adam can only speak at so many events, and his price point is too rich for many associations.
He studies what happens between people, and I like to talk about how to create the conditions when people show up at an event. In some cases I am the expert meeting planners or journalists need, as I can talk his brilliant ideas and get people to put them into practice. Introverts or extroverts, people are hungry to connect at events.
If you want to understand the science of connection, read Vibe. Pre-order it now. Then work to get your whole conference to be based on the “Deliberate Human approach”.
Thom Singer, CSP is a keynote speaker and the originator of the Efficient Strangers and Deliberate Human concepts. He has delivered more than 1,200 presentations on Human Interaction (H.I.), trust, and business relationships. He is currently writing his next book. www.thomsinger.com